My Story is not your story but I think it bears being told...
Treatment roughly 2013-2015 here.
I've always had anxiety and OCD. The panic attacks started happening in 2009 when I abruptly tried to stop a high dose SSRI, which had me stable since high school, when I was 15 in 2001. Going off the medication alone was my fault and not advised. So, I take some element of blame here. My panic disorder began shortly after going off my ssri mid-2009. It was so bad, I had to go to the ER almost weekly for a few months. I was prescribed klonopin and advised to go back on anxiety medication.
I doctor shopped a bit during this period as my anxiety was still very bad( my medication regime for the next few months was kind of all over the place) my panic disorder and anxiety only got worse- I until I finally got on a high enough level of klonopin and SSRI about 6 months later. Panic disorder does not get better on it's own and you think you are going crazy, or, something is completely physically wrong. You think, it can't be just anxiety!
after 6 months of having 2-3 full panic attacks a month, full agoraphobia, and completely shut inside crying all day you reach a very hard place. It definitely changed my life for the worse and would continue to shape it for awhile. Back on klonopin/gabapentin/ SSRI I stabilized and went back to grad school, where I Held a 3.85 GPA and life was good again. 2011-2012
This is where Penn comes in...
Again, by my own fault I tried to give up the SSRI due to it's annoying side effects( which sounds trivial but complete loss of your libido in your mid 20s is very difficult). The panic and horrible anxiety started again!!
I started out patient therapy weekly, and monthly psychiatry here(Upenn) in the late spring/summer of 2013.
after months of therapy and adjustments, and doing a full therapy load+ background history and whatever, my doctors at Penn pushed anti-psychotics and or mood stabilizers on me and tried to quickly get me off klonopin. Look, I'm not a doctor, but when someone is in full crisis-panic constantly, I would ASSUME most people would recognize this and not try to wean a benzodiazepine off a mood stabilizer( lamictal, and or risperdal) in place of the benzo. I'm not sure what happened behind the scenes and their internal discussions but things got VERY bad again quickly. And under their care, I only got worse and worse. I lost my friends, my ability to work, pretty much everything.
The panic continued unmitigated for a couple years and was so traumatic and unbearable I was diagnosed with a disability and lived off the Government as I tried to push through. Penn anxiety clinic referred me to DBT--which I'm sure is a good treatment for many. It didn't help my extremely anxiety/OCD/ panic... not a bit.
after roughly 18-24 months of care with Upenn at 3535 market street, I left! Honestly this was the best possible decision I ever made. I eventually found a really good doctor who put me back on klonopin, off mood stabilizers, and back onto anafranil( the gold standard for OCD). Things started to improve greatly in which I was taken off disability and able to work enough. Long story short, while I still struggle with panic time to time, it's much better than it was. On a high dose of anafranil and enough klonopin I can get by.
HOWEVER.. 2 years seeing Penn doctors, where I was a hermit surviving my panic and anxiety by a thread left a huge emotional toll on me. Not only was their therapy, or the DBT recommendation, I'd say it made me worse!! As I said, I'm not a doctor, but from experience can say, regular antidepressants and a mood stabilizer does not help OCD/Panic at all. And their weaning me off klonopin during crisis especially, for replacement seems incredibly stupid and woefully ineffective; I think that the lose of two+ years of life, friends, emotional toll, cost, and gap of employment is worthy of some type of medical lawsuit, if not for being psychiatry where there...is no accountability! HUGE Problem! Do not believe the hype about PENN!!!! Good luck!
